


Love is the Death of Duty

by ASongforWolves



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Armitage Hux & Phasma Friendship, Armitage Hux Has Feelings, Armitage Hux Hates Kylo Ren, Attempted Suicide, Blood and Injury, Crippling Depression, Depression, Eventual Romance, F/M, Family Loss, Female Friendship, Female Protagonist, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Sensitivity, Girl Crush, Girl Power, Graphic Description, Graphic Description of Injuries, Grief/Mourning, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Hux Redemption, Knife Wounds, Mental Instability, Phasma Redemption, Power Imbalance, Self-Harm, Sibling Loss, Slow Burn, Stabbing, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Unreliable Narrator, Unstable Character, non-romantic force bond, self inflicted injuries, sibling force bond
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-17
Packaged: 2020-06-29 20:22:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19837852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ASongforWolves/pseuds/ASongforWolves
Summary: Atheria lost everything on Starkiller, she lost her only family, her stability, and her will to live.General Hux is furious at the loss of Starkiller, and when he finds Kylo Ren, to evacuate him from the base, he watches a young woman attempt to kill herself. The Resistance fighter would be valuable if she lived, but he didn't think he would ever care about her.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, the title is from GoT. Yes, the story gets happier.

Nyrel was oddly calm as her X-wing spiraled out of control. She was going to die, but she was not afraid. The snowy surface of Starkiller rushed up to meet her, and she silently bid her younger sister goodbye. Her X-wing struck the surface, and before she had time to register this fact, it was over.

Atheria  _ felt _ it when Nyrel died. She felt an odd turmoil inside her, and the connection she had always shared with her sister went dark.  _ Over. Gone. She was gone.  _

_ No. _

There was no mistake, her sister’s life force was gone. Atheria flung her head back and screamed her fury for all of Starkiller to hear. It was a raw cry of pain and sorrow and rage.

The tears came, and she did not resist. 

She held no false hope, Nyrel was gone, she knew it, and all that was left now was revenge. And grief. Nothing had ever hurt like this, her heart broke. Her best friend was gone. Her sister.

_ It wasn’t fair. _

She didn’t realize that she had taken her X-wing down until she landed.

She jumped out of the cockpit, her feet stirring up snow. She could sense pain from someone in the forest, pain that almost matched her own. 

She gripped her blaster, and ran into the trees.

She collided with Kylo Ren. 

For a second, both were stunned. 

She raised the blaster, but he swatted it out of her hand. His saber ignited, and her fingers curled around her knife.

Armitage Hux was desperate, the entire Starkiller,  _ his weapon _ , was collapsing. Snoke had ordered him to find Kylo Ren. He directed the shuttle towards the coordinates on Ren’s tracker.

They landed 50 yards away, and Hux froze in shock at what he saw.

Ren was standing over a bloodied resistance fighter. The girl was looking up at him with fearless eyes.

“Kill me!” She shouted. “ _ Kill me! _ ” 

Ren looked dazed, and he suddenly fell backwards. The girl reached for an object in the snow, the bloody blade glinted eerily in the firelight from the dying planet. She turned, amber eyes fixing on Hux. She looked hauntingly sad, and with a shuddering breath, she slid the blade between her own ribs. 

Hux was jarred out of his surprised reverie by an ear-splitting  _ crack,  _ as a great fissure opened just behind the shuttle. Two Stormtroopers ran to bring Ren onboard, and Hux called another to bring the girl _.  _ Perhaps she would be of some use to him. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Atheria survives her suicide attempt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aside from horrible grief, Atheria also feels intense guilt that she lived and Nyrel died, and this combination is triggering her self-destructive behavior.

Atheria fought the trooper as best she could, which was pretty pathetically, but she thought she was doing pretty well for someone who’d just stabbed herself in the heart. It hadn’t hurt. Not at first, it had just been an odd freezing sensation. Now the pain had started to come, the sickening smell of wet iron reached her nose, and a gagging reflex rose in her throat.

Desperate, Atheria tried to pull the knife out, but the Trooper pulled her hand away from the hilt of the blade. Her leg hurt, but she didn’t want to look down at it, she was scared of what she might find, the lightsaber had struck her thigh, and she was afraid bone might be showing. She stumbled as blood rose into her throat, and she hoped that meant the end was near. 

_ Come on. Come on. I want to go, I have nothing to stay for. Let it end. _

Darkness washed over her, wrapping her in it’s soft embrace, forcing the pain and fear back. Atheria felt herself relaxing as everything faded into a sweet nothing.

Hux watched as the soldier set the girl down. A trickle of blood ran from the corner of her mouth, and out of her nostrils, the knife remained lodged deeply in her ribs. Ren was still conscious, but he was not in much better shape than the girl. Deep slashes covered his chest and arms, and Hux felt a twinge of delight knowing that the small girl on the floor had bested the mighty Kylo Ren. 

Hux turned back to the girl. She was surprisingly beautiful, with pale skin, light brown hair, delicate features.

She was stone still, and only the slight rise-and-fall of her chest indicated that she was still alive.

Phasma stood beside him.

“She stabbed herself?”

“Yes.” The memory of her sorrowful expression made Hux uncomfortable. He had never seen anyone look so sad.

“Fear?” Phasma asked. “Maybe to avoid being taken prisoner.”

“No, she begged Ren to kill her. She looked sad, perhaps depression.”

“Do you think medical attention will save her? She looks like she may die any second now.”

“If we make it to  _ Supremacy _ , I think they can save her.”

“Do we need her?”

“Maybe.” Hux replied, and strode out.

Bright light shone through her eyelids, and Atheria was overwhelmed with dismay. 

_ She was still alive. _

_ Fuck, why? _

She was on an angle, her wrists and ankles restrained. She was a prisoner.

She could sense that someone was in the room with her, watching her. She did not open her eyes.

“You should have let me die.” She rasped out.

“What?” Asked a female voice.

“You should have let the knife I put between my ribs do the job I intended it to.”

She heard footsteps approaching, but did not open her eyes. She already knew it was Phasma she was speaking to.

“I see.” The captain replied. “And why, may I ask, did you put a knife in your heart.”

“I want to die.” Atheria replied calmly.  _ Wasn’t that obvious? _

“I guessed that.” Phasma said irritably. “Why did you want to die.”

“Ah, perhaps I will tell you that another time.” Phasma huffs in annoyance, and strides away. Atheria hears a hydraulic door hiss open, and then close.

She is alone.

Her chest hurts, but not entirely because of the knife wound.

Grief plays a heavy role.

_ Nyrel, I’m so sorry. It should have been me. _

The grief was to much, and Atheria feels the tears sliding down her face. She presses her wrists against the restraints until the metal edge breaks her skin, and she feels blood pooling in her palms.

That was how general Hux found her when he entered the room minutes later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story does get happier.


End file.
